Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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