Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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