I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
