I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
