well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
