He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Less talking, more tequila
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
