You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
