How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
