Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
