Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
