her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
