so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm like, not good at living.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
