I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize