I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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