We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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