Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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