the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
