Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
