i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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