Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
