I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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