The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my liver is dry heaving
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
