My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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