Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
