We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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