k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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