Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize