I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
