dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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