i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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