? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
