yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
even my farts smell like vagina
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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