It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
