Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
