You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize