They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
