Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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