his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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