Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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