Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
