im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
