dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
