So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize