It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
