She is in my trunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
