Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
