I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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