I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
