so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
