Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
