you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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