My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
