Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
