it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
