Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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