I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
