So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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