i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we're making bets on your personal life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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