Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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