Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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