He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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