I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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