i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
