This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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