I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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