Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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