That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
