I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
