why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
