3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
