Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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