I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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