we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
