They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
