I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
