He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
