He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
