Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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