Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
