I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
