Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
