YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
