I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
