Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
