I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still dying that you shit outside
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
