Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
