Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
