I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize