His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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