So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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