I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Randomize
