This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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