margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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