just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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