Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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