Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a search helicopter?!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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