i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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