then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
