Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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