Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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