i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
