Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
