my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
