So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
